|Years old:||I am 30|
The older we get, the more inevitable it's going to be we date people who already have a marriage behind their belt. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, in fact, it proves they were — and therefore likely still are — able to really commit to someone. Still, there are some things to be wary of, and just like everything else in life, timing is everything; it can play a larger factor when dating someone going through a divorce ; even a couple of months can make all the difference in the world.
If you take only one thing away from this story, let it be this: If the timing is off, don't try to force it. No matter how great the guy or gal is. If the timing isn't right, it just won't work. In any relationship, you can't force someone to be ready for something when they're not, as frustrating as that is. I've been there.
I'm sure a lot of us have. And before you ask yourself, how will I know if he or she is ready? Trust me, you'll know. Now of course, not everyone going through a divorce is a lost cause — Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger even calls divorced men the best kept secret. But even they have some traits you should go ahead and just expect. The trick with some of these are the levels. There's a difference between being hurt and not ready to move on.
Think of it this way, in every relationship, you eventually talk about exes — this one just may be a bit more, well, ificant. You'll want to get it out there in the beginning.
Let he or she do the talking, listen attentively, and then do your best to move on from there. You're not getting a high or any hourly rate for this.
Dating while going through a divorce – psychological point of view
It's inevitable you'll be curious about this ex. How can you not be? He or she was married to your current ificant other for Pete's sake! Don't let your curiosity get the best of you here.
What to know about dating someone who's divorced
Remember, he or she is attempting to move on, so you certainly don't want to be the one making that harder for him or her. When it comes to bringing up the ex, always be on the receiving end. Chances are, this person has been burned.
Their may be guard may be up. Breaking down those walls could be a long, tough process, but it's possible. Just be willing to move a slower pace, and take your time when getting to know this person. This works in your favor, too. There's something to be said for taking your time in a relationship, and this will allow you to potentially build a solid, trusting foundation.
A look into the life of a woman going through divorce — dating-the-married-man syndrome
Or, find out if it's a total bust. Don't be offended if the parents don't exactly welcome you with open arms at first. It may take them a little longer to warm up to you, but if you've met them at all, you're clearly on the right path.
Big ditto on the friends here. Friends are family, and oftentimes they can be even more protective over a hurt friend because they received the unedited version of how this divorce went down let's be honest, often parents don't get the full play-by-play for their own good. They saw it all, and they don't want to see it again.
It's possible you don't meet them for a while for this reason, because even your new ificant other knows they will pepper you with questions like you're on a second interview. For me, this was because of the dog my ex and his ex-wife used to share. Every other week, they would hand-off the dog like it was a small child, during which she and I would make polite but totally forced small talk in the apartment they once shared together.
This was never not weird. If there are actual kids involved in this former union, well that's an entire — and far more complex —story. One of the best things about dating someone who is divorced, is there are far less games. Odds are this person knows exactly what he or she is looking for in a relationship, and will be very honest about it.
12 smart ways to make dating after divorce easier, according to therapists
If they're not ready? They'll tell you.
Overall, you won't ever be guessing how this person feels or where you stand, because this will almost always be forthcoming information. Remember: They don't want to waste their time either.
5 tips to date a woman who is going through a divorce
We're not just talking about sex, but oh wow is this a major perk. More often than not, former married people have tried it all in the bedroom because they lived in the "we're comfortable, so we can say what we really like phase" for, well, a long time.
In other words, they've graduated from the prestigious "How to really please a partner" college, and you get to be the lucky benefactor of this degree. This person believes in love.
The costs of dating during divorce
He or she has been fully immersed in it, and he or she won't take anything less than the real thing. In fact, the real thing may even have to be an extra level of mind blowing for them to go down that path again. But we know you have that in ya! By Liz Newman.