6 easy steps for fucking your friends without fucking up the friendship
Friendships add so much spark to our lives—helping us find humor and possibility in spells of misfortune, and cheering us on in stretches of celebration and transition. We swap stories over meals, and fill moments in time with laughter and like-mindedness—adding to the family we may or may not have. So what happens when you find yourself attracted to one of your confidantes. Will having sex with your friend ruin the relationship you built? Some might say that casual lovemaking with someone familiar provides a safe sexual outlet, while granting both parties the ability to live freely and unattached.
5 reasons why you should have sex with your best friend & 5 dangers
We linked up with a few experts to disassemble the myriad of risks that lurk behind the smokescreen of the elusive friends with benefits dynamic, as well as some friendly rules to play by. But be warned: your no-strings-attached agreement may create more baggage than you think….
Because the lines can so easily get blurred, and this invites the possibility of two individuals seeing the same situation in a staunchly different light. And the same applies for having a great romantic relationship. Both dynamics involve checking in on each other, showing up for each other, and getting to know deeper parts of one another. When this dynamic is stretched out over time, resentment often builds.
And it can morph into a vast range of conflicting shapes—potentially becoming insurmountable. Someone almost always gets emotionally embroiled.
We reveal different angles of ourselves in different relational dynamics, and if you toss sex into a platonic situation, it could challenge how you perceive a person, as well as how they perceive you. Perhaps this person is someone you've relied on to help you navigate romantic endeavors, as well as them for you.
But when you welcome sex into an atmosphere that has never known sex before? The flow of their bedtime rhetoric or the sight of their sex face could unhinge you. Perhaps your friendly rendezvous will present you with a front row seat to habits you were better off never knowing about—revealing a nervous tic or a whiff of morning breath that threatens to interfere with the way you have long relished their snarky political banter, engaging chats and timely punchlines. Your feelings of being turned off may then overshadow all of the things about your friend that once delighted you.
But If the sex is good, Dr. V warns that it may incite a swarm of hormones that leave you feeling dizzy with desire and trapped in a stupor of longing, because your brain will begin to fire differently every time you two lock eyes. When you spot your sexy cohort locking lips with someone else, how will you feel?
Mann says it could sting—potentially even toying with your sense of self. She advises that one of the more common risks with this type of situation is that one of the parties will meet someone they want to How to get sex from a friend serious with, which is ultimately what ends the benefits—and sometimes the friendship as well. She says one of two scenarios almost always unfolds. And it inevitably involves some element of rejection.
The other person may meet someone else and want to put all of their eggs in one basket—the friendship, the sex, and the commitment. This can be incredibly hurtful because it may cause the person to wonder why they weren't worthy of the same level of attention.
Why am I not worthy of being kissed in public and taken out to dinner? Before you let the idea of friends with benefits seduce you, you may want to become acquainted with a few criteria. Just like any relationship—committed or not, casual or not—this arrangement requires awareness of your expectations. And the door must always be left ajar for honesty about them.
Richards-Smith says your first move should be to conduct some self-reflection. First, determine if you actually have hidden feelings for them. If you're secretly hoping for more, you could set yourself up for disappointment.
V agrees that self-reflection is essential, adding that it should reach beyond an assessment of your feelings for the person at hand, however. She advises that you sink deeply into your core desires and values surrounding sex—being transparent with yourself about what does and does not align with you. We may even trick ourselves.
Real talk: is it ever a good idea to have sex with a friend?
Another important rule is to create a game plan for identifying your unique als—ones that alert you to the blossoming of romantic feelings. This involves becoming well-acquainted with your own habits and cues—by assessing your relationship history. Does your skin get hot? Do you find yourself compulsively checking your phone for notifications or battling with the urge to text? These are all eminent cues for decoding your early relationship patterns.
In the event that your sexy arrangement goes awry, and the closeness of the friendship dissolves, you may have to prepare for the awkwardness of seeing them at the same summer barbecue every year—particularly if you run in the same circle. But the possibility of those awkward scenarios pales in comparison to the ultimate risk of all.
Dr V believes that, while friendly sex without romance or commitment may work in rare occasions, it can also lock you into a state of limbo—causing you to be imprisoned by a shadow of the real thing. Because our bodies are not just wired for pleasure, but also connection. Your Best Life.
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