The idea of a perfect relationship is as flawed as the idea of a perfect man or woman, yet so many of us entertain this idea, consciously or not. Often, when we enter into a new relationship, things are perfect at first. This happens over and over again.
Nothing major, but enough for us to feel a twinge of discomfort. We let those feelings go, over and over again. We start to notice more and more things about our partner that irritate us. They are Relationships as Spiritual Practice the person we fell in love with. They still have all those qualities we loved so much, but negativity clouds our perception. If left unchecked, these feelings build to a point at which we start to attack our partner.
We feel hostile towards them and we withdraw affection. However, this is likely an outcome of ego attachment and clinging onto the flawed concept of a perfect relationship or a perfect partner.
Mind your relationships
When we are not fully present with our true self, our deep spirit, we feel unfulfilled. We then seek to find fulfillment through external experiences: money, food, sex. At the beginning of a new relationship, we feel that our needs are being met through our partner. However, because true fulfillment happens deep within us, these external experiences act as a kind of temporary bandage at bestdistracting us from Relationships as Spiritual Practice internal longings. In time, though, those deep feelings re-emerge.
We feel unfulfilled yet again, because we have not addressed our deeper needs. We have not nurtured our deeper spirit. Without understanding this, all we know is that our partner once made us happy and they no longer do so. Our strong feelings about this are projected outwards onto the person or people we are closest to, such as our partner, our parents or our children.
But just like all addictions, this arises from an unconscious misunderstanding and the refusal to accept and make peace with our own pain. Usually, the relationship is not the cause of the pain, but it brings out and intensifies the pain that is already Relationships as Spiritual Practice.
And because we are used to turning away from our pain, it is just as easy to walk away from the relationship. However, there are certain relationships that actually should be walked away from, especially if both partners are unwilling to look inside themselves. We cannot truly love somebody at one point in time and then not love them some time later. As Eckhart Tolle puts it.
5 ways to build a spiritual connection with your partner
Avoiding relationships is not the answer, either. That underlying feeling of being unfulfilled will still be there. So how do we turn our addictive relationship into an enlightened relationship?
One way is to be totally mindful of the present by tuning our attention more and more deeply into the present moment. We need to experience and know ourselves as the Being that is behind the thoughts, behind the feelings, behind the pain. Knowing ourselves as the deeper Being means we loosen the hold that the thinker—the pain—has had over us for such a long time. Breaking the identification we have with our pain, with our suffering, will transmute that pain and suffering.
This takes us beyond ego. Meditation helps us achieve this state. In the midst of external chaos, meditation will help us experience the true nature of who we are. Loving and Loved. There are many ways to meditate and many tools to help us meditate, such as incense, statues, bells, mantras and music.
It’s easier than you think.
Relationships will inevitably intensify unresolved feelings and magnify egoic mind patterns. If we accept this, we can use this as an opportunity to face our deeper feelings of being unfulfilled. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an opportunity for salvation. Fully experience whatever feelings are coming up for you.
Accept them, bring understanding and light into them, and then let them go. Be kind to yourself, be kind to your partner.
Relationships as a spiritual practice (part 2)
Go your separate ways as good friends. But again, let me emphasize, there are some circumstances when violent and abusive relationships should not be tolerated, and you should leave immediately for your own safety. Thank you for this beautiful article! Seriously eye-opening, at least to an year-old just barely dipping into the world of mindfulness and spirituality. I wish more people in this world has this kind of outlook on relationships — would make many things much much easier.
Conscious Creativity. Wholistic Health. Participatory Culture.
Share Tweet. Be fully present with your true self. Start typing to see or hit ESC to close mindfulness meditation love poems nature.
See all. Subscribe to Our Newsletter up to get our top articles, exclusive subscriber content and special offers. More Stories.